What is the Prize?

This morning I picked up a Bible Study book that I've had forever....."The Joy of Eating Right". The Subtitle is "Spiritual and Nutritional Principles for Weight Control" by Dee Brestin and Peggy Johnston.

I started this study a few months ago so I just picked up where I'd left off....Well, actually, I read over what I'd written in the previous week's lesson before going on to the next week (which I normally do all at once).

The reference for Day 5 of this week is Phil 3:12-14.....the passage in which Paul talks about 'pressing on toward the mark'. The Message says it this way...."Friends, don't get me wrong. By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward - to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back."

Of course, Paul was NOT speaking of weight loss goals, but the authors used the principal in this passage to emphasize that weight control is a long term project, taking months or even years of perseverance to achieve healthy eating habits and a thin body. Also, this passage was used to picture the fact that any weight loss program takes commitment and effort.

Then comes the question....."Paul mentions the need to forget about what is behind us and press on toward the prize. What is your prize? What is your goal? Is it attainable? Is it realistic? Are you truly committed, no matter how long it takes? Take some time to think about these questions and record your thoughts below"

My thoughts in answer to these questions made me happy, so I thought I'd share them with y'all.....

First of all, what is my prize?

I did not have to think long on this and was excited when I realized that......My prize comes incrementally....with each pound lost and kept off, comes a huge sense of satisfaction, a feeling of having won a battle. With each 5 or so pounds (yes, as little as that) comes a knowledge that my clothing is fitting differently. Every once in awhile, new clothing is needed in a smaller size. My favorite prizes have to do with how I feel, however.....increased energy and confidence, and the ability to feel my hip bone through the (now smaller) layer of fat on my hips, the emerging curve of my waistline. Even after a year of no change, I still feel like I've won a prize at these things. Another prize I have won and still appreciate daily is the fact that I can wear my wedding rings....I know, I talk about that alot - but if you have ever gone for 10 or more years without your rings, you will know why it is so important to me. The prizes keep on coming...it is not just ONE big prize at the end of the journey. Thankfully.

My final goal is to MAINTAIN a healthy weight of about 145 lbs AND to have incorporated more activity into my daily life. In other words, there will be no end to this because I will need to continue to keep that goal in mind and be diligent about eating and doing to maintain that weight. I will not just remain at my goal weight without continuing effort.

Am I committed? Yes. For the first time in my life, I don't care how long this takes....I'm in it for the long haul. I'm not giving up. The reward is not just a thin body.....it is a HEALTHY body. And, as I've just said, I consider this a life time 'race'.

The only complaint I have about eating healthy is that my nails and my hair grow much faster.....I used to be able to go for 5 weeks without getting my nails done. Now I MUST go every 3 weeks. Also, my grey roots start showing much sooner than they used to. Ah well....a small price to pay for better health.

Back to the subject......think about it - what is the prize you are 'running' toward? What is your goal? Is it attainable? Are you committed?

Good News and Bad News

Well, the good news is that I am no longer on my way UP the scale.

More good news is that I have lost about 3 pounds this week.

Bad news is that I gained 3 pounds this week before I lost it.

So, my weight today is the same as it was a week ago - 213.6 - which is still almost 3 pounds more than what my 'ticker' says.

Ah well, I am feeling more like myself....that is the 'self' that was consistently losing weight.

The bad news is.....I do not have time to say more than this.

Or maybe that is good news? LOL

will try to get back sooner than last time!

On a more Upbeat Note........

Yikes! I'm like a week late, almost, with this post.

I've managed to spend less time wasting time on my computer this week - a whole lot less wasted time, actually.

That doesn't mean that I haven't sat at the computer several times a day - just that I was working, not just 'facebooking' or playing solitaire.

Anyway, I said I was going to post about what is still positive in my 'weight-loss life'.......instead of only focusing on the negative fact that I have not lost any weight to speak of in the last year, I want to list as many positive things as I can think of.

So here goes......

1. I am fourty pounds lighter than I was in Dec 2007
2. I am wearing size 18 pants .... down from size 24
3. I am wearing size 20 shirts......down from size 28
4. I can wear my wedding rings ALL THE TIME......something I have not been able to do for probably 10 years
5. My ankles usually look nice (except when I'm retaining water....normally, because I forgot to take my blood pressure meds)
6. I can wear a necklace without an extension
7. I do not look like the woman on my driver's license or passport
8. I now have a waistline.....a little on the large size, but at least it is a waist line
9. I can reach to wipe
10. I eat less than I used to - and am quite satisfied
11. I automatically choose healthy foods (almost 100% of the time) over quick, processed foods
12. I read lables and have learned which products to avoid and which to buy (like no salt added tomatoes)
13. I still get compliments on having lost weight - even though I haven't lost for a year
14. In spite of a pretty emotionally stressful year, I have not gained any weight overall and I have not turned to food as my crutch
15. In other words.....when I quit losing, I did not gain back what I had lost and then some more! You know.....when you lose focus on your weight loss plan - what happens......I don`t know about you - but for me, in the past, as soon as I am not being very disciplined about my `diet`, I begin to gain. And gain. And gain. And surpass my starting weight. This did not happen!!!!

WOOHOO!

The thing that worries me is that I have lost much of the belief I had in myself....that I really WAS going to get to a healthy weight. Not that I am without hope....I always have hope....but I do not have the same strength of really believing it as I did at this time last year.

Actually, now that I think of it, that is not really something to worry about....I mean, when I started this journey I had NO hope and I absolutely did NOT believe I would ever lose ANY weight - yet, I lost over 40 pounds.

All I have to do is DO IT. Or Keep Doing it but make a few adjustments here and there. Because really, I have been 'doing it' for the most part - I have kept my eating in control and established good habits that I barely even think about anymore. I probably need to get out the scale and measuring cups again, that would show me where I am not eating the correct portions. AND it would help to get a journal to write everything in (I have one, but I do not like it so don't use it every day)

So......All is not lost.

I am not a total failure.

I have not left the road to success.....just sat down on the shoulder.

I can just get up and begin to travel down the same path to my goal.

I have lost no ground, really.....just time.....and afterall, it is not like I quit living while I was losing the time - I've lived lots this past year...some wonderful times and blessings, some difficult and emotionally exhausting experiences. The only time I've lost is in regard to weight loss. But there is no use in speculating what weight I could be at right now, had everything gone perfectly in the last 12 months.

It is what it is.

I`m going on from here.

Confession

I've been avoiding this blog.....because after a brief couple weeks of losing again, I am back up. I cannot even complain about it because I know that I am not moving enough (and I'm not even talking about the E word here) and I know I am not drinking enough water.

My eating hasn't been out of control until last night when I recieved the box of cookie dough that I ordered....I ate 4 of the raw cookies last night and one this morning.

This is cookie dough that I bought only because it was a fund raiser for a pre-school.....how do you say no to a friend, the mom of twins, who are required to raise a certain amount of money? I didn't really want it because raw cookie dough is a major weakness of mine but I'd feel like a jerk to say no. Others around me ordered several boxes....I ordered ONE.

I took a dozen of the 'cookies' out of the box - intending to bake some for Jim to have as dessert and to take in his lunch but he did not get home until after 11 pm and I wasn't going to tempt him with cookies at that time of night! I should go re-wrap them and put them in the freezer with the rest.

I'm also trying to spend less time on my computer (not too successfully - hence the 'not moving enough' comment) so have not been visiting y'alls blogs, either.

I have noticed, that many of the bloggers that began about the same time I did have 'vanished' and I haven't taken the time to get to 'know' those of you who are 'new' to me. I think I need to take some time to do so - I've always recieved so much encouragement from these blogs.

I am a little bit 'all or nothing' of a person - not enough of that quality to make me completely successful at losing weight - but enough that I feel like if I can't read all my 'usual' blogs AND comment on them , then I just do nothing. This tendency affects how successful I am at 'sticking to plan' and to exercise as well.

I just have to get past that. Maybe set my 'blog goals' a little more realistically. Like maybe read one a day - or set an hour a week aside to read several.

What do the rest of you do to make time for this rather time consuming part of weight-loss?

I also have another blog, which I've had for 3 plus years.....and another 'experimental' blog that I started at the beginning of '09. I do not know if I'll continue with that one after the end of this year, but my family has objected every time I've threatened to quit. (There are links to both these 'other' blogs at the right) I don't do as much blog reading connected to these other blogs, but I do more posting.

Part of my problem with 'time' is, I think, related to the change in my lifestyle over the past 11 months. I've gone from homeschooling AND driving all over the province to spend every 3rd week with my husband where he was working to living WITH my husband all the time away from home (in Louisiana) to moving back home where my youngest was still living with us and my husband was home for 2 weeks every 2 weeks. That lasted until Dec. 08 and I was busy, busy, busy with reclaiming my home after so much time away from it - even when my youngest 'left the nest', I did not have time to be lonely.

In January, Jim started working in Alberta again - but the work situation had changed and I can no longer go and stay with him on his worksite for a week at a time. He worked more than 80 days last winter - between January 2 and the end of March....all away from home. It took at least 2 months to realize I was floundering because of lonliness - and probably mild depression. That state of mind put me in a habit of just 'existing', mostly......I spent alot of time wasting time - which made me feel more depressed. I started to get hold of this by going to bed at a decent time and getting up early. Then things changed again.....Spring came and Jim was home for a few months....he went back to work but it was summer time - I accomplished much because I had many responsibilities regarding our 7 acres of grass and our garden.

Now, he's working all the time again and my responsibilities are mostly inside. It is much easier to procrastinate cleaning the basement than it was to mow the grass. My youngest son is living at home again, which means that there is someone here sometimes, but he is gone most evenings and has things that keep him busy all day (even if it is 'just' his online computer game). I had gotten back into the habit of staying up half the night and sleeping most of the morning away - always a destructive habit for me.

Jim has been working near home for the past week so is here at night - up at 5 am and home about 8 pm...bed by 9:30...so at least I'm back to getting up early and going to bed early. I'm still, however, stuck in the rut of spending too much time on my computer or finding a reason to go to town just to get out of my house.

My husband's job is not likely to change - I need to change the way I live in spite of the lifestyle.

Don't suggest a job for me...that would mean that I would not be available when he ISN'T working - which happens sporatically. When he is 'off', he is at home all day for anywhere from 1 day to 3 months. We do not want me to be tied to a job when we actually have opportunity to be together. Even volunteer work requires a committment of specific times.

No, I need to get off my duff and do the work that is in front of me - and there is plenty of it around here.....not to mention being available to my 5 children and 8 grandchildren. I can be busy without a job.....in fact, I have no excuse to be lonely or depressed. I have a list of projects a mile long - things that if I would just get started on, I would enjoy. Things like cleaning my basement ....yes, I'd enjoy that! I want to go through all the boxes and throw most of it out. I want to organize and make the basement into a place my grandkids can go play when it is too cold to play outside. But I always feel like I 'don't have time' to do it all at once so I never get started. Isn't that retarded? Of course I can't do it all at once - no one could.

So that is my confession....I have been wasting time wishing I had a more 'normal' lifestyle, thinking if I can't finish something right now I should just wait to start.

Stupid.

It has led to a long period of little to no weight loss....bouncing back and forth between two numbers.

I want to become a part of the accountability and encouragement of this community again.

It just occurred to me that I started to 'disappear' from the weight loss blogs when I could no longer tell you that 'it' was working for me easily. When I stopped feeling like I was changed. I'm back to feeling like a fat failure.....like I will never win this battle, even though my eating habits HAVE changed and I have no desire to go back to the way I used to eat. The battle I have not won - and only thought I had - is the battle in my mind...the way I think about myself.

Next post will be an exercise in telling myself about the victories I HAVE won.....but I must git goin.....I'm off to a 'weekend retreat' with our church. Except I'll be coming home to make Jim's supper and sleep with him - the retreat facility is only 15 minutes away from my house.

Don't be too hard on me....but don't be easy on me, either. I need to jump back into this accountability structure.

Hopefully, I'll be back on here on Monday.

A Bit of a Ramble

I don't have an official weigh in number for today because I was not home this morning. I always weigh first thing - before I eat. I can tell you that yesterday's weight, however, was DOWN 2 pounds! Of course, that was at least 2 weeks since I last reported, but 2 pounds in 2 weeks is still a Victory.

I have not been feeling well lately and it seems to be finally settling in today....I even have a fever today. I've gone to bed for a nap twice and still feel like I could sleep. I'm hungry, though.

I mentioned in my last post that I've decided to do more cooking for myself at supper time. It is not alot of fun to eat alone every night so I have tended to just have the same thing at noon and in the evening.

Just a minute, maybe I should explain a bit for those new 'followers'....don't know if you actually read this blog, but just in case.....

I am happily married but my husband's career has him working away from home for various lengths of time. He is a well site supervisor in the oil and gas industry. This is seasonal work at best, meaning that when 'activity' is high, he has to work as much as he can because there is always at least a month with NO work at all in the spring - often up to 4 months with no work, then over the summer, 2 weeks a month is the most we can expect. Fall/winter is the busy season. We enjoy the long periods of time he can be home in the spring and summer, but he has to work very long periods during the fall/winter so we can continue to pay the bills and buy groceries when he is not working.

This year, because of the very low price of natural gas (he works mostly gas wells) there is NO new activity at all .... the oil company cannot even break even on a new natural gas well at these prices. So, he is working on old wells - fixing and repairing and shutting in for good. We have no idea how much of this work will be available so we cannot afford for him to 'pace himself' ..... if there is a job for him, he is going to go to work.

This is why I talk about eating alone and cooking for myself so much. There are pros and cons to this ...... I do not mind eating the same thing day in and day out which makes food prep quick and easy. (Jim likes variety, usually) For a long time, my staple meal has been homemade 'taco' soup - noon and supper. Breakfast is usually a smoothie made with FF SF yogurt and berries.

I noticed, however, that when Jim is home and I eat more 'normal' meals, that I lose more quickly - even though I'm eating more calories. Therefore, I concluded that I need to add to my usual fare. Of course, everything I've learned over the years of attempting to lose weight supports this conclusion....you do need to eat in order to keep your metabolism burning efficiently. So, I've determined to plan and cook a full meal for myself at supper times.

One of my favorite meals is Spaghetti squash topped with ground beef and spaghetti sauce and lots of roasted vegetables.....carrots, parsnips, turnips, sweet potatoe, squash (butternut or delectia). I can usually prepare enough at one time to have leftovers for at least one more meal.

Last week I made my own spaghetti sauce......I chopped up some of the tomatoes from my garden, added a chopped onion, some garlic, and Italian spices. I drizzled olive oil over it all, mixed it up, and put it in the oven at 450 F for about 25 minutes. Oh, the heavenly smell this produced! When the tomatoes and onion were carmelized, I took it out, let it cool a bit, then put it through the blender. Very good - and I know there was no added sodium (something I try hard to avoid). Also, I know it is full of nutrients since I grew the tomato and onion myself.

But, as I said....I am not feeling well today and so did not want to cook. I do not have any vegetables left since I ate them last night with my chicken breast, but I may have the spaghetti squash and ground beef. I'm feeling hungry, so I suppose I should make a decision soon.

I travelled yesterday afternoon to where my hubby is staying when his day is done. (A two hour drive). He arrived at the hotel at 8 p.m. so we had a few hours together. I do not do this often because he always stays up later when I am there and then it takes a couple days for him to 'catch up'. Since his day begins at 5 a.m. and does not end until 8 pm at the earliest, he disciplines his sleep time as part of his work....when he stays up past 9:30 or 10, he gets too tired.

For my part, I have a hard time going to bed at night when he is gone - which means I sleep too late in the morning - which means I feel like I do not accomplish anything in a day because my day does not start in the morning. Hopefully, since I was up with him at 5 this morning and am feeling sick, I can begin to get myself on a more productive schedule.

I am a person who lacks discipline and thrives on routine. I know what I should do, but have a hard time making myself do it. Once I get past the initial hurdle of 'just do it', I am fine.....I love to be organized and follow a plan. I am glad that I was able to establish my routine of eating healthy before we came back to this lifestyle (we had about a year of more regular work - another story for another time) so at least I do not struggle much with what to eat or what not to eat.

Anyway, this has been a rambling post....not going anywhere, really. I need to go have some supper and start to think about going to bed (again). I was supposed to spend the next 2 days with my DIL and grandbabies since my son is going back to work tomorrow, but they've had to make other arrangements - don't want any of them getting sick! The last thing Victoria needs is to be sick while recovering from childbirth. Hopefully, I'll be well enough next week to 'hang out' with them for a couple days. Tor is very efficient and really doesn't need alot of help, but I was looking forward to the time with just her and the babies.

Oh well.

Ava Grace

Just a quick announcement.....my newest grandbaby has been born!

Ava Grace arrived Oct 15 at about 8 pm. Her stats are: 7 lbs 12 oz, 20.5 inches long. Blonde hair, fair skin, and a good set of lungs! Man! Can this little girl cry loud! LOL.





In this photo, she is about 1 hour old, snuggled in the arms of her Daddy....my son.

I will be going to spend a few days with them next week when Mike goes back to work and Victorias father and step mom (and their 2 kids) are gone back to their home. It may be a bit more difficult to stick to my plan while there, but I will also have to be chasing big brother Kaden around so maybe that will make up for the difference. LOL.

As far as my weight loss efforts are concerned......I am still on my way down, slowly. I still have a long way to go to incorporate daily exercise into my routine (I am getting quite tired of saying that) and I am beginning to realize that I need to do more cooking when I am the only one at home. I used to cook a meal for myself every evening and eat from a pot of soup at lunch time. Lately, I have been eating from the pot of soup twice a day. Convenient. Realatively healthy. But lazy.....and I must get rid of my lazy demon if I am going to start moving enough to increase my rate of weight loss. Also, I am likely not eating enough because of this habit. When Jim is home, of course, I cook meals for supper. I always expect to gain when he is around because I eat more....but I usually continue to lose.

Anyway, this was supposed to be a quick announcement post....I have another grandbaby running around here - I am babysitting for the day so his mommy can study for some final exams...I sure should not be spending too much time on the computer!

My Husband's Journey

I forgot to weigh myself on Wednesday....oops. In fact, I haven't weighed myself since Tuesday. I have, however, been doing pretty well with the eating. I am not yet friends with exercise, but sooner than later, that will come.

I am writing today about my husband's efforts at weight loss.

I am very proud of him.

He has been slowly changing his eating habits over the last few years - after his cholesterol was in the dangerously high range and medication only made his muscles hurt so bad he couldn't lift his arms. His weight has been quite up and down - although the average overall has been down.

The last few weeks, however, he has seen a dramatic difference. He's lost about 15 pounds and had to make another hole in his belt (that is two holes smaller than a month ago).

The first change he made was to quit drinking coffee. Not only did this save calories (he is overly fond of the flavored 'creamers') but he is sleeping better than he can ever remember - no 'fighting' with his pillows, no tossing and turning, no waking up - and he has more energy than I can remember him having since he was much younger.

He has also been away at work.

This means that he is physically working harder than he was when at home, but it also means that he has to work very hard to eat 'properly'. When you begin your work day at 5 a.m. and do not get back to the hotel until 8 or 9 p.m., it is very tempting to stop at a fast food joint for supper - or buy processed 'quick' food. Instead, he has been buying 'real' food and cooking it for himself....after a long, hard day when he would really rather not put out the effort to do so.

As well, there is the added temptations of the food brought to the worksite by the crews who come to work for him. Someone is always providing donuts or buckets of chicken or even BBQ'ed steaks with all the trimmings. He is often being offered something that is much more tempting than a dry bun with some meat and a tomato and some yogurt. Besides the temptations of taste, there is a certain amount of peer pressure...even though he is 'the boss', (or maybe especially because of that fact) there is the social aspect of eating with those you work with.

He's only given in once in the last month.

The weight loss is obvious.....his belly is much smaller and flatter and his face is thinner.

I am very proud of him. Oh wait, I said that already, didn't I?

Of course, all this means that with his new found energy I am inspired to be able to keep up with him - and that is a good thing.

If I don't hurry up, he will weigh less than me very soon.

This is the only current photo I have of him without a jacket on - unfortunately, he is sitting down...and whistling to himself while waiting for the festivities to begin at our niece's wedding this past weekend.

WTG, Honey!